The Strange ME!

While I have been believing all this while that I would not blame the situation, I have been doing just that. I experienced - "Better Late than Never" as I see myself making an effort to stand low while emotionally not in control. That statement really is a puzzle. I couldn't write it any better.

I have been fighting a fool and have been trying to play the game mastered for more than 2 decades. I then realised I had given into stress and have fooled myself by thinking I am going to beat him in his game. That's not my cup of tea!

I took a step back and have been in talks with my well-wishers. All thanks to Dexter, BMR and Aslan. For longer now ( I don't remember since when), Dexter has been a great source of relief. Talking to him gives me clarity as I hardly see the film of judgement that any other person would have.

Aslan and BMR have been the pillars all throughout. There is definitely better relief I felt when dealt with in person and that was possible because of Dexter.

I wonder at times why I write my experiences here. Here's what I want to achieve. 

                I WANT THE UNIVERSE TO LISTEN

All said and done, when it doesn't seem right, it cannot be the end. It now ia in the hands of the UNIVERSE to protect me from the Corporate foll and Vice versa (accommodating the fact that I could equally be at fault from the other viewpoint).

I would share details of the scenario and the conclusion when I reach there.

A weekend worth living!

It all began with a plan to catch up with the BMR and Aslan. I had to take a few steps - precautions to what was expected to follow. We decided to meet at BMR's house and then head to Chrysalis site along with Aslan.

I got the address from Ramya, the directions from Aslan and reached the place - without getting lost :P. I met Ramya and Aslan whom i could already hear roaring in laughter while i was climbing up the stairs. We made plans on how things can be laid in case I make my move. Real helpful people I have met and they really went a way ahead in helping me put things in place. I could get a little better picture so that I can make my decision when the time comes.

Ramya's Husband and 2nd daughter came over to pick Ramya on their way back home. It was then we realised Ramya would not accompany to Chrysalis. Aslan and I headed towards the site and when we reached, Sun played its part and burnt us a little during our walk from the parking to the site's view.

Post that we headed to Aslan's house. That was a totally unexpected invite from Aslan knowing him as a person too busy on weekends. we had our lunch with Palani and then parted ways. I collected a few chocolates and a game for Himani. When we reached his house, their family was fast asleep. We then found place in Aslan's personal room and I could hear his mom asking us for tea / coffee. I could see the violin ket in attic and asked Aslan whether we can dust it at least. He accepted and I dint want to wait a moment and quickly got the violin on his bed. He very carefully dusted it and to my astonishment started tuning it to play.

In the meantime Himani woke up. She being herself insisted to play and was having her part of fun with it. Nothing like watching a musician enjoy playing that there was a real smile on Aslan's face. I could sense he was happy for having touched the strings he had once enjoyed. We then got busy with the Lego blocks game along with Kuttyma and Himani.

Until 7 pm we were enjoying arranging and making new shapes. It was growing darker and I chose to start back home considering I will have a long distance to cover through public transport. I bid goodbye to all and asked Himani to visit home the next weekend which she accepted to without any second thought.

Aslan dropped me closer to Tambaram railway station and got back home in an hour. I thanked Aslan for the relaxing experience i had at his house.

It is important to spend time doing what we like, whom we want to be with and most importantly, feel and be Our won self. That was nice that day.

Until I write next, take care and Be Present where you are and in what you do.

Let the child in you Live !!!

I want to write today - Philosophically :). Here I go.

Life has been an enriching journey - Highs and Lows. I can't quantify them neither compare. They both has left their mark in my life.

I find faults in me and try not course correct. Now I wonder, why should I do that. I have been what I am. I cannot negate what it made me feel like then and even now.

I wonder how a human being is. While the whole world can seem like a BAD person and you alone are the best, I feel like saying - Get off the bubble, you do not have to play the victim card.

Life gives all of us the same situations and we all do act and most of the times react. We make our choices. It is only that moment that had life then, we make it live throughout by reliving in that moment. This is our choice too.

It is a bliss to stay a child at heart. That is the only way out for us to stay out of or over come anything unpleasant that we have faced or felt. I child lives every moment and that moment literally passes away after.

I am trying and I am wondering if there are a few others too who practice this. I am sure there are because no thought exists in isolation.

Until other thoughts cross my mind and I wish to pen them down here, enjoy life and stay blessed!

EGO - Is it the birth right of a "MAN"???

A very different behavior that I have always come across. Today it just was about my head off and I would have ended up thrashing the person with my words.

I have always been amazed at well-behaved and well-mannered people whom I have seen mostly in Chennai. That's the place I have spent most of my life. There is so much of assertiveness always felt and appreciated. Doing your work by self is an act to feel proud of or good about. Clearing the mess off and maintaining cleanliness is also practiced at home. This WAS reality. The today looks very different. Everyone at some point thinks " why should I do it" I am above all these. This work is for the underprivileged." UNDERPRIVILEGED???? Who defines this???

Why was it still so difficult to wipe the table where you had your lunch??? You had to be told by another colleague who happened to be a woman. That's me. It all began here. I informed him to either clear the table by self or to call his friends who ate lunch along with him. He said he would come with his friends and never turned up until I finished my lunch and saw the person busily working with his friends. When asked, this person came up with excuse of no tissue papers available. I handed over the tissue paper to the person and mentioned again to clean up and leave the remaining tissue at the pantry itself.

There was a weird discomfort this person had on his face. Not just HIM but the 4 other members who had their lunch were still at their desk. Not a limb moved. The instant question within myself definitely was " how can you guys be so cold?" . Later I only pitied them.

Is it so difficult to clear the mess that you create yourself. I think that's the worst state any human being can be and we are talking about India's progress, Prosperity. We have belittled ourselves in this era of the so call IT WORLD.

Those who ruthlessly ruled us years ago are still ruling us as they have sowed their seeds in our mind, behavior and we continue to be their slaves leaving aside our manners of staying clean and healthy.

Human behavior is subject to environmental risk. Please read the human behavior thoroughly before you bump into someone the next time. Saves you a lot of your time and energy.

Life has many more experiences of human behavior to unfold. I am hoping for more!

Is this a new beginning or a sour bend until we meet next ???

Life couldn’t have been ruthless more than what it had to bring on in one flush. I must say, “ Life, Well played. But you know what, bring it on”. Nothing shakes me off anymore. The pain is boundless and yet the show will go on.

This is me today. Ever since October, it has been a fight all day, every moment. What would it be to be here without you guys around. Definitely a panic state when they made the decision to set their path away. This was coming after 2 months only but the panic set in right then when the news broke.

Days passed and so did our time spent together. I finally made up my mind and decided – let’s live in the moment. What is to happen after 2 months is not in my control. But my NOW is definitely at my disposal. There have been several joyous moments, travel to another colleagues house, Pizza hut eat out, Rottu kadai talks, morning/evening ride calls and what not. I guess life is meant to be lived like how a child does.

These two months have been great and I wish only success to my two besties. The first life plug was BMR which got pulled off within a week’s time of my joining the gang of SP Tea Shop. However would get nebulization whenever in panic. The rest was taken care of through the tea talks, Strang tea galata, Paniyaram, My conversations in TAMIL language that kept the show going.

I am sure this is a different phase, not something that I ever dreamt of. 

Aslan, you have been a great strength and I will continue to feel it the same way. 

Pombla Aslan, our paniyaram will miss us.

Well I guess Dexter and I will continue the tea talks without being spoil sports.

I believe it is only until we meet next at a point where we get to be together and have gala time at work - Sometime in life.

I am waiting……